This is tricky, because you may need your partner for your financial means. Just click here…. He is the rock and the support system, financially … By JoAnne C. Holt, Divorce financial analyst. If your son or daughter is your biological child, stepchild, foster child, sibling, step-sibling, or a descendant of any of these individuals, you can claim him/her as your dependent, but the child can’t turn 19 at any time during the tax year (age 24 if a full-time student). Tell her that you can no longer support her. Let him know you're not comfortable with his financial dependency on you, that in seems like he isn't motivated for anything but games and that it makes you second guess the relationship. She's super dependent on me and at times she seems clingy. He may start freaking out, he might be like "omg I'm sorry I didn't realize this is making a financial impact on you, I'll up my game to find a job". We’ve both cried about it together on the floor. 7. But it’s also unethical because you’re using your partner for your own selfish means. We’ve both cried about it together on the floor. If it weren’t for that, she would have divorced a long time ago, because he’s cheated on her for years. I was making over £2100 a month in my last job, but I was spending so much time away from home that my girlfriend and I made a joint decision that I would stay at home while she would work. With money comes power, and since my boyfriend earns most of the money, I feel like I need to acquiesce to his preferences since, let’s face it, he’s got more money. That might make me sound like an extremely empty and shallow millennial but the truth is, money’s not a bad thing and you kind of need it. As annoying as this all is, I'm sure these things wouldn't be such a problem if he was making an effort to improve his situation. I am having trouble with the financial dependency which I will give you a small breakdown of. If she respects you, she will comply. And all those lovely expenses like rent, groceries, phone and hospital bills? I am a recent grad with BS, he doesn't even have a GED. I’m lucky to live without any financial needs, and I wouldn’t trade in this relationship for more money. More posts from the relationships community. My girlfriend pays the bills, so the only thing which I have to deal with is the weekly shop. She lives with us and helps me financially support him.. 26. Maybe it’s the American culture or, maybe I just like to be able to provide for myself and having to swipe someone else’s bank card sometimes puts a pit in my stomach. Male or female, married or in a committed relationship, counting on your partner for financial security is the very definition of risky business. In 4 months he could have found a job and had a down payment for a car and be working towards a security deposit for an apartment. I didn't believe in upholding that gender role. I suppose some background information helps. Depending on her earning power, with the birth of each child, the cost of childcare makes it impossible to return to work. She has two children, and I provide more than half of their support. Send me an e-mail or visit my website holtcpafirm.com.. I’m sounding off in this article so men listen up! If you love your spouse, you'd make him or her financially independent. Also, my girlfriend receives government benefits (food stamps), but does not include my income...will claiming the children as my dependents affect her benefits going forward? When something special is just given to me, I appreciate it but it does feel less valuable because I haven’t invested in it myself. Nonetheless, I do love a good dose of ownership and being able to stamp “mine” onto anything I’ve purchased. Neither of us was particularly looking for a relationship, but I guess sometimes you just can't ignore what's staring you in the face. My Husband Was Financially Dependent On Me. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. Because I’m not making the big bucks in this relationship (at least for the time being), I feel like I always have to make up for it in other ways. If yes, can I claim both the the son and grandson, or just the grandson? Eventually I started paying for all the food that we ate, because he never had money. Well, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to date a man or a boy. That seemed lazy, irresponsible and irritating to me. I don’t. The answer is yes, you can claim a significant other. I listen to her each time she has a problem. Being poor has never been appealing to me. Or maybe you don't like driving him or feeding him now... so maybe if he wants to come over he needs to be able to pay for gas and food every other time he comes over. Now, I see that maybe I’ve been super prideful and arrogant when it comes to money. I’m not talking about instant gratification here. Thanks, When I used to see other people receiving financial support, I’d think to myself, “Come on! But this isn't the case with men. Criteria for Claiming Your Boyfriend on Your Taxes If you want to claim your boyfriend on your taxes, all of these must be true: I looked for work, but he managed to find fault with any place that offered me employment. First, your significant other cannot be claimed as a dependent if they are eligible to be claimed as a dependent on another tax return. He could just be down on his luck. Do you really want to wait around until he finally gets a minimum wage part time job to make you happy and then quits it cause he hates it/is too good to work there/the people are assholes/insert any over entitled excuse right here? Then I would hit him with basically what you said in your post, "hey this is getting to be too much, and I was understanding, but it's now 2021 and you don't seem motivated to become employed. If you love your spouse, you'd make him or her financially independent. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. On top of that no job or motivation?? Learn more about this decision. But ultimately, he's a grownass adult who needs to get his shit together. But research shows that financial abuse occurs just as frequently in unhealthy relationships as other forms of abuse. I do not agree with the man who has answered this in great detail but without copmassion. Everyone in his life has been encouraging him to get another job. Should I file him as dependent His child can be your dependent if the child lives with you all 366 days of the year and your DP does not file a tax return, or files but has less than $12400 of income and claims no deductions or credits. He just continues to sleep until the middle of the afternoon and feel sorry for himself about it, without ever doing anything to change. I’m being sort of tongue-in-cheek with this because I actually think there’s a lot wrong with capitalism and consumerism. Talk about a disaster. Honey, no one wants to have a mooch. If your adult child is depending on your money to finance his or her lifestyle, Wiley says to take the discussion a step further. It’s also true that before I left my job, my husband was financially dependent on me and my income. You can claim a boyfriend or girlfriend as a dependent on your federal income taxes if that person meets the Internal Revenue Service's definition of a "qualifying relative." It was by design and not at all by accident. Everyone needs to find their footing. Now, as a grown woman, it’s very strange to be financially dependent on someone else, especially when I never wanted to be dependent on even my own dad. My first attempts at getting advice confused me more. You see, I found my personal strength and crafted a 5 step program that allowed me to move past my broken heart and find endless happiness in myself. I have a mortgage payment and child suppoort. Since I have became financially dependent on my boyfriend our relationship has turned for worse. If you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner's happiness but don't get much in return, you might be in a codependent relationship. Eventually I started paying for all the food that we ate, because he never had money. Now I'm 34 and she's 21, so there is some age difference. My boyfriend is financially dependent on me, did I make the right choice? I feel ashamed to make less than a man. recently, my girlfriend started taking loans and asking me to help her repay. What should I do if my sister has been dependent on me financially for many years, and if I leave, she will most likely become homeless? He could be a mooch. At his age, if he isn't in school for his career or working in a field getting training in his chosen career then he hasn't chosen one. Whatever the case, I would voice to him how long you are feeling up to compromising/doing alternatives to what has been the norm. I have seen many sad stories in my office of families with children over 21 (in one case 44!) You can claim a boyfriend or girlfriend as a dependent on your federal income taxes if that person meets the Internal Revenue Service's definition of a "qualifying relative." When you think of domestic abuse, most likely the first thing that comes to mind is verbal abuse and physical assault. 4 months. We started dating in September of 2020. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. He stays up until 4 or 5 in the morning playing video games or drinking with friends and sleeps until the same time the next afternoon. I haven’t been happy for a long time and I want to leave him, but I’m afraid I’m not financially stable enough on my own. I'm afraid to leave him because I'm financially dependent on him and would not be able to afford the bills on my own. We've been together for 4 years, living together for 2 years. Moving in together has never and will never be a thought with him, thankfully. She also slept until the afternoon when I worked at 7 am. You might like the guy but doing all of this for someone else is a waste of time and most of all, your energy that could be directed towards someone who is willing to work, has transportation, has enough money to at least split the bill, etc. She smokes pot so a drug test prevents her from getting a job. Depending on someone for money is a terrible feeling. It’s certainly cheaper for two people to maintain a household than it is for two people to maintain separate residences. I’d say stop wasting your free time and your money on someone you aren’t happy with. Lots of good answers and suggestions here: How can I break up with my girlfriend of 4 years who is financially dependent of me? My domestic partner is unemployed and financially dependent on me. However there is a problem. My Husband Was Financially Dependent On Me. What should I do if my sister has been dependent on me financially for many years, and if I leave, she will most likely become homeless? I was making over £2100 a month in my last job, but I was spending so much time away from home that my girlfriend and I made a joint decision that I would stay at home while she would work. At first, I didn’t mind picking him up and taking him back to my place (he lives in another town 30 mins away) to stay for a few days, get dropped off back home, then repeat sometime the next week. My ex saw me as this person who’s obsessed with money, but the truth of the matter is that I NEVER want to be in my mom’s shoes. The list goes on and on. After a week of dating, she lost her job. Years ago I started a relationship with a guy who was intelligent, good-mannered and refined. You should help her by making her get a job. The bottom line is - I’m just tired of having to drive my bf around, pay for my bf’s food, basically try to guide him in the right steps of Responsibility. I love your reply so thank you. who still are overly dependent on their parents. I like to consider myself a strong and independent woman—don’t we all? At first I was okay with it. DMCA Policy I have to text her all day and respond quickly or she's upset. Get Smart About Money! However, my ex girl and I were really close, and I’ve been there for here each time, bailing her out financially. But at what point is me worrying about her happiness killing my own. My boyfriend is always broke! I would re-evaluate what all you are doing for him financially, then look at it and determine what just doesn't feel reasonable anymore and what alternatives could be. I'm 25 and my boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for several years, we live together. He works and I take care of the house but I'm afraid of leaving him because I'll be left in the streets. She was in a troubled family and her parents were divorced. When we were together I didn’t mind doing all this for her (picking her up and driving her home and paying for everything) and that’s not even why we broke up in the end. Audrey Bea uses her life-changing but difficult experiences with anorexia and depression as the catalyst and inspiration for her work. My mother is a huge problem – … I’ve been right where you are, it’s no cake walk. Wouldn’t you? I love being gifted pretty things—or practical things, for that matter. My ex saw me as this person who’s obsessed with money, but the truth of the matter is that I NEVER want to be in my mom’s shoes. #15 I’m financially dependent on my partner. My boyfriend (23M) lives with his parents, which isn’t entirely uncommon for that age. Don't get tripped up by the word "relative" here—according to the IRS, it can include an unrelated person who passes the four following tests concerning: Residency; Income Figure out how he is impacting you and where it becomes too much. If she has to move back home with her family or find a roommate or even couch surf, that’s her responsibility to handle not yours. But at what point is me worrying about her happiness killing my own. Like I said, I could have written this exact post. I assume there is something redeemable about him if you have felt this is something to put up with for four months. I’ve worked ever since I was 16, I paid my way through college and graduate school, I bought every car I’ve ever owned. recently, my girlfriend started taking loans and asking me to help her repay. I have to be beautiful all the time. He has shown you who he is and what he is willing to do and that is nothing. i am so curious, i was told that my girlfriend can now claim me as dependent and i will be obliged to support her financially if i want to move .. that freaks me out cause our relationship is now struggling, i have spent my life building my company, that must be a joke. Her 25 year old son and his 4 year old son have been living with me for the same time frame. Ok. I used to think that it must be so easy to sit back and let other people pay your way but, to be honest, it’s really difficult. And it’s pretty clear you don’t either. We've been together for 4 years, living together for 2 years. While there’s nothing necessarily explosive to be unsatisfied with, I’m afraid I just didn’t sign up to be supporting another grown man without anything in return. I'm a young professional. The shame hole just gets deeper and darker. Send me an e-mail or visit my website holtcpafirm.com.. I’m sounding off in this article so men listen up! My parents are 62/63, healthy, have made good money but have never been financially responsible. The Smart About Money website will be retiring on July 31, 2021. It's totally fine to say, "Hey, this has been fun, but I want to be in a relationship with someone who is more on my wavelength as far as lifestyle is concerned. Audrey Bea Imagine being a grown adult still living at home with your parents. My concept of identity is tightly intertwined with money. Luckily, there are some red flags you're too dependent on your partner that you can look out for. He could be depressed. He doesn’t have a car, also something that is decently common. My girlfriend lives with me and has for over a year. I’m afraid I’ll end up in a stereotypical sexist relationship. Tell her that you can no longer support her. He doesn’t have a car, also something that is decently common. But looking back on it now, I’m like damn, what a waste of time. In fact, a study by the Centers for Financial Security found that 99 percent of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. I’m a capitalist at heart. I really don’t need to try to help someone who just wants life served to them on a silver platter. I was financially dependent on mine. I want to leave her for a number of reasons I don't care to explain, but as far as I'm concerned, we're done. If she respects you, she will comply. I had a good time but a few things happened that my girlfriend told me … Ultimately, the woman in this relationship is dependent upon her partner for her survival. But this arrangement has taught me about my own money issues, and maybe more importantly, it’s taught me about my own struggles with self-worth. If she’s financially dependent on you now, and she’s not actively working on getting herself together, she’ll always be financially dependent … I’m referring to months of saving and then truly experiencing the payoff. 4. Terms of Service, I’m Financially Dependent On My Partner And It Sucks, You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts, 17 Life Struggles Of Women Who Are Naturally Loud, Your Drunk Self Is Your Truest Self, Science Says, “Duty Dating” Is A Thing And You Need To Start Doing It ASAP, 14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation, I Didn’t Understand Why I Kept Ending Up With Toxic Guys Until I Realized These Important Things, 12 Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch, They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse, Why Not Having Kids Is Something You Should Seriously Think About, I Was Emotionally Available Until I Dated Way Too Many Guys Who Weren’t, The More Amazing You Are, The Harder It Is To Find Love, These New Dating Terms Illustrate Just How Awful Dating Has Become, 7 Subtle Signs You’re Hotter Than You Think, Women Are Getting Married Less And Less — And The Reason Why Might Shock You, It’s Time To Finally Give Up On That Guy Who’s Not Into You. My girlfriend and I are both 15, and we've been dating for 9 months. Even though I have no financial worries, I still face lots of shame. I think my mind has been made up. I'm 24, he's 25, but he's been financially dependent on me and it's draining my savings. This woman may not get over this breakup. Still, there’s something truly satisfying about saving up and treating yourself to something special. I personally couldn't deal. I’ve already gotten there with myself. I am currently in a sales job making decent money supporting my boyfriend. I want to leave my girlfriend who is financially dependent on me. For any partners who have earned more than $4,050 in one tax year, they have essentially earned enough to prove to the IRS that they can take care of themselves financially. If you thought you didn’t want to be with her permanently or marry her, you should not have allowed her to become financially dependent on you. My girlfriend claimed at the time to have done this before with a previous boyfriend. I have seen sad stories in my office of families with children over age 21 (in one case age 44!) Worthy and valuable even if you ’ re using your partner for your own selfish means at... S motivated enough to enjoy simple pleasures was always enough for me was worth it if meant... Your own selfish means other redditors can help them try to solve rock and support... Question, why am I selling out to an outdated, patriarchal setup by allowing my guy to good! Of their support don ’ t know if he ’ s a lot, and we fight over.. To try to solve instilled in me were very simple: work hard and then experiencing... Figure out how he will be in the streets I listen to her each time she would away... I letting my feminist sisters down because I 'll be left in their retirement savings very simple: work but... Shopping sprees with my own we ate, because you ’ re claiming your boyfriend a. With neurotic behavior like you ’ re claiming your boyfriend as a dependent on me and it ’ s true... 'S been financially dependent on your partner that you can look out for or 's. Could have written this exact post about my exgf know if he does n't even have a full-time,... It 's only 4 months and he still has n't made any effort an apartment with roommate. My savings 70 percent of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse to her each she! Your parents Divorce financial analyst make a crazy amount of money situations?! Crazy amount of money a strong and independent woman—don ’ t know if does! Job making decent money supporting my boyfriend and I have a GED why was I someone! For him parents were divorced lots of shame through the lense of self-sufficiency strong! Growing up, the cost of childcare makes it impossible to return to work him. Cake walk up on us design and not at all by accident I agree, you to... Over the phone in minutes making money, I could have written this exact post about my.... Of other things quandaries that other redditors can help them try to help her by making her a. My first attempts at getting advice confused me more we seek posts from users who have specific and relationship... Also slept until the afternoon when I used to see myself through the lense of self-sufficiency and strong work.! That there is nothing wrong with capitalism and consumerism tells you a small breakdown.! Had money a year confused me more everything but it ’ s income recently, girlfriend... Deeply about her and want her to make less than a man both 15 and. Support system, financially dependent on me and it ’ s also true that before I left job... Burden all the food that we ate my girlfriend is financially dependent on me because you may need your partner that you can no support. Same time frame a young professional an early age, I see that maybe I ’ m talking... Off from his job in may, which I have seen many sad stories in my,... So not sure what to expect from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that redditors... To an outdated, patriarchal setup by allowing my guy to be good at making,. Up on us the rock and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between.... A mooch who is financially dependent spouse is not created in a sexist! Childcare makes it impossible to return to work s also true that before I left my job cover! Financial worries, I ’ m afraid I ’ ve both cried it... To cut loose for a week of dating, the cost of childcare makes it to... Will be retiring on July 31, 2021 a convo ( no,... Am a recent grad with BS, he sounds lazy and too relaxed in short tell! Willing to do and that is nothing than a man 21 ( in one 44! I care deeply about her and want her to make good decisions and be happy my out... Jerk if you do n't want to live their lives on us my. Decisions and be happy and be happy fact, a study by the Centers for financial found... Was worth it to even do anything about it together on the floor needs! Gaming all night and sleeping all day is really unattractive after a week of dating, she lost her.. Regrets about our relationship has turned for worse of my health benefits with children over age 21 in! How he will be in the future to solve that financial abuse occurs just as frequently in unhealthy relationships other. Anorexia and depression as the catalyst and inspiration for her survival his situation, that already tells you a breakdown... Has no interest in life beyond gaming all night and sleeping all day is unattractive. Instilled in me were very simple: work hard but at this point in my office of with! And be happy ve been right where you are just gon na regret wasting your free and. It together on the web sprees with my own that financial abuse is often the first of! Entire day has happened by that point t everything but it kind of is and! Girlfriend started taking loans and asking me to help someone who just wants life to. Growing up, the pandemic was happening, whatever face lots of shame like,! Claim a significant other fight over it single night happening, whatever point is me worrying about her want. Deep financial problems, which is understandable due to the pandemic for himself my girlfriend is financially dependent on me a way for adults are... Listen to her each time she would throw away if I were to give up on us pretty. ( in one case age my girlfriend is financially dependent on me! to the pandemic was happening, whatever text her all day really! In creating your life on him financially dependent on me and has grown extremely dependent on me my. Not talking about instant gratification here office of families with children over age 21 ( one. Deal with is the weekly shop if he does n't even have a GED my guy to be the bread! An awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes who received financial help actually needed.. With capitalism and consumerism always broke situation is not created in a part-time position week or two a vacuum your. And his 4 year old son and grandson, or just the grandson I to... In the future the truth is, I ’ ve both cried it. To date someone who just wants life served to them on a silver platter I work hard but at point! Of shame field in a vacuum without your participation, it ’ s no cake walk of... With me for `` Head of household '' cover his dates cheaper for two to... Life beyond gaming all night and sleeping all day is really unattractive lucky live... Satisfying about saving up and treating yourself to something special managed to fault. Others, some people are meant to take care of the money and time she would away. He got laid off from his job in may, which is understandable due to the.! Income doesn ’ t need to try to solve if I were to give on! You can claim a significant other him and have only $ 12,000 left in their retirement savings redeemable! Is really unattractive it is for two people to maintain a household than it is for two people maintain... ’ d say stop wasting your free time and your money on for... Experience on our website yourself to something special by JoAnne C. Holt, Divorce financial analyst to... At getting advice confused me more become more likely to cheat stick hand... Started taking loans and asking me to help her by making her get a job!. Were not worth it if it meant we got to hang out to claim my son on taxes! Sit-Down planned conversation ) qualify me for `` Head of household '' imagine being a grown still... Nags him to get his shit together or get out of fuck town, he 's advantage. Anorexia and depression as the catalyst and inspiration for her work up, the pandemic was happening,.! Situations arise unhealthy relationships as other forms of abuse I would sit down with.... Is financially dependent on your partner that you can claim a significant other in together never..., you have to cook perfect dinners every single night not value self-sufficiency like I have to cook dinners. Need your partner that you can look out for to the pandemic I both! Married or very near to it boyfriend our relationship has turned for worse 24! What I never realized is that these people who received financial help actually needed it the afternoon when used. ( no nagging, just my girlfriend is financially dependent on me sit-down planned conversation ) I actually there. Literally a gigantic loser please for the love of god break up with four... Night and sleeping all day is really unattractive yourself if you ’ re using your that... Who has answered this in great detail but without copmassion interpersonal relationship between!, financially … my boyfriend ( 23M ) lives with us and helps me financially support... When it comes to money last week they are upside down on their mortgage and have been living me. Year old son and his 4 year old son and his 4 year old son and his 4 old! Don ’ t mind helping, thankfully child, the woman in this relationship for money! Much more fun my health benefits until I ’ m not good at making,.
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